True Nature

You can call me tree, cedar, willow....
It really doesn't matter to me,
I know who I am anyways

As I stand strong
with my roots expanding into Mother Earth
juices of love and health flow back to me
in balance and with strength
I am here occupying this space

Where I stand
my branches reaching the unknown of Father Sky
sighs of wisdom, caressing me
shouts of thunder, challenge me
No limits my branches have, against gravity I grow
towards infinity and the mysteries of life
I am here occupying this space
I am free

Words as my Voice

As the rain has a name,
As the rain has a voice,
I have them too.
As the rain has a reason to be,
I have one too.

As the ocean to be calm and wild
As the ocean to have and end for the sight
I have one too
As the ocean that has an inner world
I have one too.

As the seasons to be part of a cycle
I take part too.
As a whole, as a fragment
I’m one as I’m all.

As the sky that has two faces, that make one
As the sky that has an imaginary side
As the sky that says to much with no words spoken
I am too. I have them too.

As the sky with fallen meteors resting in a nest,
As the sky with a hanging dream,
As the sky holding a mystery, holding the unknown,
I live that too, with no beginning and no end.

As the breeze sings
As the wind tells
As the hurricane shouts
My words as my voice


`This poem was updated from one that I wrote in 2007`

Open your Eyes!

One day, my eyes opened,
realizing that my "doings"
prevent me from "being"
today's society is set for that conditioning to happen.

One day, my eyes opened,
realizing that most of the time, I chose blindness
I chose to give in to fear,
I chose to suppress my desires, to suppress my pain- to suppress, to control...

One day, my eyes opened
realizing we lost our sense of worth,
we fear that without our "needs and wants" we are nothing.
We forgot about our spirit.
We forget to ask more "Why's",
We forget that we are all interconnected in the web of life.
Our body, a symbiosis on itself,
we are part of the whole.
Our actions bring consequences.
Our hatred, spreads as our love does
Our consciousness spreads, as our ignorance does.
So why not next time chose to act with an open heart.

We stopped asking questions.
We lost hope.
We stopped listening to the wisdom of nature.
But there is still a chance.

One day, my eyes opened,
and I want to share my sight with you:
Our world as we once knew it, is ending.
We are destroying our resources,
We are destroying ourselves and every living creature,
We are destroying our home.
Its time to open our eyes,
Its time to open our hearts,
think not only of today but tomorrow as well.
Its time to believe in love and respect.
Its time to ask for forgiveness to our spirit, to our bodies, to our earth.
Its time to come back to ourselves as body, mind, and spirit.
Its time for you to open your eyes too!
Its time for you to share your sight with opened eyes as well!

Schizophrenic Me!, Bipolar, or Just Processed Food?

- "I feel like I am trapped in my body, doc.
I feel like I am trapped in my body, doc.
I feel like my essence is there but I am stuck in this box that I can’t escape!
I can’t recognize myself anymore.
Sometimes I feel I want to end it, so I jump down and let it be over, but when I do jump, I always end up right back where I stand.
This nightmare feels so real. I can no longer tell what’s real and what a dream is anymore!
I sometimes feel like the medication is too high right now, I see myself over and over again. Sometimes I am a bitch a prostitute, she calls herself “Additives”, so dirty. Doc, I sell myself for nothing, for pennies, and the worst part is that I put myself a big sign on me that say “For only $2.99”. You see doc., I advertise it openly.
I hate where I live right now the lights, the noise, and the crowdedness, so busy all the time.
So unhealthy! Maybe I should move, what do you think doc?
I remember those days when things felt right, I knew who I was, the air smelled fresh, my body felt right, I didn't have any issues, I was who I was and that was perfect. But now, everything it’s upside down. I don’t know what happened.
I know doc., you keep telling me this will pass, and it’s just stress caused by some kind of trauma that I experienced. Although I have to say its not all bad… I do have some good days that I can’t remember right now, but I should have some good days right?
Although during the bad days, it’s bad. Did I tell you that the other day I was hearing voices? I tried to meditate as you advice me, but voices kept distracting me, not outside voices, but inside of me. I don’t even recognize their voice. I just don’t know what to do.
I know doc. Take a few deep breaths, yes I am doing it. Ahhhh…, ahhhh, … oh yes I feel much better. Thanks doc.
What’s my name doc? Oh yes MacandCheese, what kind of a name is that anyways? French? Do you know doc.? Anyways I think I like it. Maybe Italian?
Doc, Can I tell you something? I know every time I bring this subject up you get worried, but it’s true! Every time one of my neighbors gets picked up, they never come back. I am really worried, there is something really wrong happening.
No doc, it’s not persecution fear; what I am telling you it’s the truth! They never come back! And I am scared someone it’s going to take me, and I am not going to know who I am, what if they leave me somewhere and I don’t remember where I live?
How to get back home? Ok thanks doc. That’s a good idea I keep the address inside my pocket. Oh… ok the time is up. Thanks doc. Yes I took the pill today. Yes I fell much better. Thanks doc! And see you next week".

Confidential of a GMO Seed

I will begin the story of my life with these simple words:
a runaway,
an outcast,
an exile
Condemned to my physical appearance. Condemned to hatred and disapproval.
Condemned to disgust.
Like any other I was tended day by day by James, my father. The farm we lived has a heritage house and it has been in the family for over 100 years.
James was now 75 years old, his children moved out to the city and had their lives there, and his wife passed away last winter. Without her James felt lost, lonely, and unhappy.
Although James was tired, his bones ached, his body cracked every time he bended and couldn’t move as fast as he used to, he always took care of the farm with love no matter what. No matter if it was pouring rain, hailing, snowing, muddy, freezing… no matter what… he was there attending the soil, the vegetables, and so on.
This place was his footprint on the world, his voice, his testimony that he was here alive. His heart was truly on the soil, and you could feel the love in the food and land.
But things were tougher and tighter now. It was harder to make a living and he still had to pay taxes, follow government regulations, certifications, and such. He couldn’t keep up.
Until I came into his life, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and softly placed me on the soil. I could feel the love, and at that time I thought they were tears of happiness.
The soil was black, sandy with a good amount of clay and silt. It felt nice to be here, it truly felt I belonged here. It was dark and silent, I could really connect with myself and sense of life force. Little creatures came to visit me from time to time. They would come and speak some words but then, soon enough, the little creatures would run away from me. This was when I first noticed, something had to be wrong with me. I wanted to see James so badly the only one that could see me and loved me. Where was he? I felt so alone. I never understood why nobody loved me as James did. Why could nobody see me as James did?
What was wrong with me?
Did I have an ugly face? I started thinking that maybe I spoke a different language. I sat there wondering, days became months…
As time went by… slowly I began to change, I started to germinate. Little leaves growing upwards against gravity towards the sun.
Oh! The sun felt so nice on my face. The warmth filled me up with joy and love. I started growing stronger and stronger. I felt invincible! Like nothing could kill me.
I was everything I ever wanted. Maybe the little creatures down below were scared of my power! Besides this was so much better than down there, nobody wanted to be with them anyways.
I could make new friends.
James came back! He would come and say hello every day. He looked really tired.
Bees came along as well, butterflies, birds, flies, bumblebees, cats rubbing their faces upon me, deer, rabbits, and foxes. I had so many visitors! But strangely they never came back.
Things were great but again, I came to think something was deeply wrong.
Nobody else came to visit, except James, although coming to think about it James came less and less as well. Everyone lost interest in me, everyone ran away from me. I knew it! Something was wrong with me, it had to. There was no other explanation.

I knew I had to do something about it. I had to tell the world who I am and what I am, is not my fault. Someone rapped me of my own nature, mutated my essence.
Someone corrupted me in the most violent and sickest way you can imagine. Someone did this to me and I don’t know why. Why me? I don’t want to be this way anymore.
This is when I understood James heart was broken the day he saw me for the first time, and those tears weren’t tears of happiness but of deep sadness.
Although his heart was broken, he still took care of me, still showed me love and compassion but I knew I was breaking his heart. I knew that I also broke all those bees, butterflies houses.
I want to die and I can’t even do that. The seasons went by and keep changing and I keep coming back. Why would I want a life of loneliness, of exile, of disgust, of rejection, of disgust?
Please label me! Hunt me down! Cause I don’t want to cause any more harm. I don’t want to cause anymore pain and sadness. I don’t want to cause any more suffering. I don't want to harm this earth anymore!

My Masculine Nature for Survival.

Words- like a striking thunder
Action. Strong movement, with confidence
-like the most feared warrior in a little girls body.
Like any warrior with a mission of freedom and revenge.
Skin- with scars, hard, non-permeable. A skin that soon developed thorns.
Character- fierce as a lion.

Time. Love. Re-Connection.
Flesh to Bone.
Heart to Spirit.
Fear to Love.
Survival to Emotion.

Darkness was no longer an inspiration but frightening.
Thorns fall like leaves in Autumn.
skin became soft.
flesh became raw and open.
Roars became cries and hopeful laughters.
what once was rigid became malleable.
Feminine Energy emerging, resurfacing like a rising moon.
awkward.
Feelings of weakness and confusion.
A core yearn to nurture, nourish, heal and create the woman and the little girl.

Abundance. Gratitude. Love.
inhabiting for the first time flesh, bone, and spirit.
Re-learning to find balance between feminine and masculine.
light and dark.
receive and give.
open and closed.

Hope For You and Me

We are connected.
a seed becomes a tree and comes into this world knowing what is meant to do in this life.
And it is.
Us, Humans, we spend our entire life trying to figure out-
our purpose, seeking for the road to happiness, working for financial freedom, fame, acceptance-
to ourselves and others, spirituality, peace......
We are so busy and so worried about this,
We miss the fact we are Connected to all Life.
To other People.
To our Environment.
Not seeing that we contribute.
We are Part, We Give and Receive Life every Second.

... keep it coming, keep it flowing... the energy is eternal when it comes from your heart!

Ego

I can't stop thinking about you.
You laugh at me.
You make my life so hard.
I dislike you- What I dislike of others, remind me of same things in myself. Oh, I dislike you so much!
A slap on the face one more time- and I can see my reflection in the mirror laughing at me, pointing fingers at me.
Feels like torture!- mortified I am. I can't sleep, I am anxious.
So many parts of myself and sense of self.... So hard to let them go.
... cause on what else do you hold on to?

Expansion and Contraction

Expansion and Contraction-
the duality of the two is what makes me so exhausted.
The need to control how much I let go, how much I show of myself...
-like an ice cube in a hot summer day that it doesn't want to melt.
How much more energy it takes to stay as an ice cube,
rather than let go and become fluid- like fluid water.

Untitled

The Universe is there, available to us
We just need to reach and embodied it.

The Power of Fear

When one opens up and is its fullest, there is no greater sense of freedom.
So what stops us? - for this should be our permanent state of being?

... the fear of being judged, not accepted, feared, hurt, not welcomed, ignored...

In fact it is our Fear the only one bringing feelings of insecurity, comfortless, and self-judgement
- NOT the freedom of being our true selves!

Breath in, and let it all Out!

When the day darkens in full summer.
Breath in and let it all out
If your dreams where crashed, if they were big and you had nowhere to put them. Breath in and let it all out.
When you feel like you are dying more than living. Breath in and let it all out.
When you feel your head is racing faster than your heart is pumping. Breath in and let it all out.
There's no secret potion, just follow your heart and leave your fears behind.

Mantra for 2013

I shall breath into presence/ especially during those times of uncomfort. I shall connect with my spirit/ that shines beneath the chaos of the self and the world around me/ where there's a deep silence and sense of peace murmured in the background. I shall respond not react to situations that trigger me/ as I won't condemned the messenger or myself. I shall connect with truthful love within/ be energy and vibrations within the forces of life/ rather than identifying to myself as a self described by a name, past experiences, future expectations, pains, accomplishments, and desires. I shall not move in life/ for the means to reach a goal to enhance my sense of self worth, but for inspiration, love, and life force. I shall let go of emotions that feed my ego and give me a sense of purpose, self-pity, or excuses/ I shall live in the moment consciously/ I shall be playful/ I shall surrender to love, life, and my spirit!

The Mayan Calendar

The winter solstice days begin to become longer once again as earth comes closer to the sun. With the winter solstice came the end of the mayan calendar for some, brought fears of the end of the world for others, the beginning of a new era, a new era of consciousness. For me these weeks brought a lot of questions of life understanding and with these came doubts. Senseless events where I have no understanding of a reason why. I could feel my pain and broken heart, to the point of judgement if its right to feel such pain, if its normal. Sometimes there is no explanation with the mind to those senseless events because we feel such pain that nothing our mind says will make us feel better. Our constant will to suppress pain, to be happy, feel good at all times to be good, do good to feed our self, our ego, our self worth to the point I had to question myself of my sanity, if its ok to feel such pain. But this is the time to surrender to the pain and understand everything in life has its place within the totality. Even though we can't understand it with our minds the answer is in love and within the expression of our essence.

This Moment

For just a second, forget of who you are. let go of that sense of self. For just a second, forget of your past. let go of self judgements, fears, pain, and assumptions. For just a second, let go and breath in this precious moment that's now. For just a second, forget about the future. let go of your expectations, hopes of self, and desires. For just a second let go. breath and let the love within resurface. there is no better you than who you are now. Rejoice in who you are now! Your unique expression of your essence in this moment! Surrender to yourself in this moment!