To the Loyal Soldier

I sense you from time to time
and I wish you wouldn't talk to me that way
so when I hear you speak
I feel deep sadness
sadness that dampens my bones
its like your voice overpowers me
takes a hold of me
and I find myself in a dark room all alone
I still hope that you'll soon stop
you speak of expectations that are almost never spoken
expectations that somehow speak about love or no love, caring or caring not
and it is the power of awareness and consciousness that allows me to break free of your trap
it still pains me though, to hear your words
and the memory of those words echo in the background, in my bones
and yet, my hope is to love you unconditionally
so one day I am able to stand in the dark,
listening to your words with an open heart
and then, your words won't pain me
I will only hear pain in your words and I will only try to comfort you
for you are the one that had been suffering all along.

Oh Sweet Child of Mine

Sweet child of mine, tell me what do you need. tell me about your wounds and sorrows. I want to love you and nurture you forever!I know that sometimes it doesn't feel fair... I know that sometimes you fall into anger and resentment when you don't get your ways, when you don't feel unconditional attention, love, and care from me or others.
I thank you for reminding me when I need to care for myself, acknowledge myself, love me and validate me. Thank you my sweet child, you are the wise one, it was never only about you, all along you where showing me the way to wholeness and I was so focused on you...
your way of loving and caring for me, your frustration no more than a projection to stop and give myself back the care, love, and attention I need.

The Eternal Flame

When we rely on others, expect from others...
we give our power away and therefore,
we give away our freedom.

I soon then came to realize,
that as confusion dissipates and clarity sets.
I come to grasp and feel that my power has never left me.
nothing was ever lost or given away,
it always resided within.

Revelations

As all life resides in balance with all that is; our gifts are able to arise to its fullest potential when we are allowed the space to do so. Sometimes we are challenged by others, a storm between our expectations and with what is..., so give thanks to those who challenge you- without the feeling of being tested your true power wouldn't be revealed.

The Warrior of Light

My house is haunted 
and there is nowhere to go 
I heard my mother say that in this process 
we are raw to our skin 
I can say that is exactly how I feel 
my skin, bare to the flames of fire 

I saw a ghost the other day 
it changed shape 
fear overtook me 
and I felt as if it touch me 
it would stick to me forever 
it had no face but when I looked  
it laughed at me 


There are moments of helplessness 
there are moments that the child within all she does is cry in anguish 
and the adolescence fights until she gets caught in wire 
and bleeds with her own anger and drowns in her own pain 
there are moments that the great mother comes with her gentle touch and caresses my face 
I can feel her love, I can feel the love within 
and for a brief moment there is acceptance, there is compassion, and comfort 


This is the journey of the warrior of light, 
and so far I can't tell you how it will end 
all I can say is that my stomach lives in a knot so tight that I'm choking 
the ghosts of fears hunt me everyday 
and the light within me and the beauty around me reminds me of my potential 
so I keep on going, one step at time 
one lesson at a time shining light into the darkest parts of myself

What have you forgotten?

What have you forgotten today?
What do you need to remember today, to be present, to embrace your life fully?

Have you forgotten to embrace your life fully?
Have you forgotten to believe in who you are?
Have you forgotten to speak your truth?
Have you forgotten to forgive yourself and those who you blame for your pain?
Have you forgotten to feeling grateful of all the wonders in your life?

I believe it's time to let go...
let go of the expectations of tomorrow
let go of the stories of your past
let go of the fear that holds you back
let go of the masks that are preventing you to be exactly the way you are

What have you forgotten?
and
What do you need to remember?

Have you forgotten to love fully?
all that is alive?
Have you forgotten to respect yourself and other fully?
Have you forgotten to feel unconditionally?
Have you forgotten to play?
Have you forgotten to be right here, right now?
Have you forgotten to face your challenges with a smile?
Have you forgotten to accept this moment for what it is, for what you are right here, right now?

What have you forgotten lately that you need to remember?
Because
To Remember.... we have to become aware of what we have forgotten......
and for that we have to let go of the worries of tomorrow, and the regrets of the past
to be right here, right now- with all that is.

A sight of Truth

"As long as I believe in myself, I can do anything"

Grace

Grace,
I know
I know you reside in the depths
of the ocean of within.

I call upon you, Grace
come lift me
thus I am drowning in the fierce winds of grief.

Grace,
I know you
I've felt you before
and I know you are there, still.

I call for the full moon
to rise,
to bring high tides
to resurface the ocean from within
and reveal you.

Grace,
I know you are there!
I feel you at my very core.
Come out! I beg of you...
and conquer my life,
my heart,
my sight,
in this challenging time.

Today, the Earth is mourning

Today,
the Earth is mourning,
cause my heart, today, lays ten feet beneath the ground.
Goodbye my love. Goodbye.

Today, the sky is crying,
silently letting go...
of the expectations of tomorrow.

Farewell to the memories,
of a distant future.
And with the last sight,
remembering the days that we once had.

Today,
the Earth is mourning,
cause my heart, today, lays ten feet beneath the ground.
Goodbye my love. Goodbye.

So just for today,
I will let the river run,
I will let the sky fall in thunder and storm,
cause I know tomorrow it will nourish me somehow.
Somehow, I trust the sun will shine again,
and what once was gone,
will resurface transformed.

Today,
the Earth is mourning,
cause my heart, today, lays ten feet beneath the ground.
Goodbye my love. Goodbye.

A Letter to Death

I write to you Death.
You've been in my mind lately, you've been so present lately.
I guess I've been always in such a rush to grow up, and now that I am, I'm feeling scared that there is not enough time.
Not enough time to LIVE.

I write to you Death because I want to let go of that part of myself that always questions,
that part of myself that always feels that needs to do more to be enough,
that minimizes and says "this is nothing", "that was nothing".... and demands more and more.
I need to be better, do better!!! Try harder!

The girl that gets scared and wants to run away cause she feels trapped.
I guess death, what I am trying to say is that I'll miss the feeling of a hot summer day when the sun just set, and the sky is wearing pastel colors, birds are flying and still singing even though it started to get dark. A fresh crisp breeze comes in with no invitation, bringing a wave of vitality and life. A soft yawn from mother earth plays very softly in the background, and you know.
I guess death, I am saying I wake up everyday knowing that it is another day, and even though there are uncertainties, I also created certainties.
Death, I just sometimes feel I haven't accomplish what I am here for, I am just getting a sense of what it is. And yes I know, I hear you saying that I am doing it already but you know me I need to do more, be more- do more to feel that I am more.
Let me tell you death, I want to let go of that and at the same time I don't.
I feel so much love from Mother Earth, I feel so much right now from people in my life and I just don't know how to repay. You see in my life, I had to repay, that's been the way.

So my dear Death, please teach me to feel the sacredness of this life at all moments, teach me and remind me the sacredness of my being that I don't owe anything and nobody owes me. That life is about being, and in that being we just provide to others and others to us- by simply existing.
My dear Death, coming to this life you are the only certain- there is no escape and yet I don't feel trapped.

Reflections

When we accept death, any kind of death, we welcome and invite life IN fully....
Letting go of attachments, of any kind(expectations, relationships, goals...), we then are able to welcome FREEDOM to our life.
... the key?
nothing is certain, nothing is forever, we do not own anything and nobody owns us, we do not owe anything and nobody owes us. Our body, flesh and bone, SACRED as this moment, as this breath. In and Out, then the moment is gone or welcomed- that is completely up to YOU.

In my Heart Today

Blue skies, the sound of birds, and wind chimes bring a sense of hope and possibilities to my heart.
I cannot ignore though the sadness that my heart feels today,
as I cant ignore the ring of love that holds and embraces my sore chest.

How can I live my life feeling that so many empty spaces exist in the world,
spaces that are silent were compassion and passion should live in them,
moments of covering or hiding, when discovering and allowance should live in them,
spaces were we believe ignoring is the safest, healthiest, and most reasonable thing to do.
Behaviors that shouldn't be allowed, that are NOT allowed, to my perception of what Love represents!
behaviors that can be changed with kindness and community.

When did I started to believe that I can not heal? myself and what is around me.
When did I began to believe that this is what it is... that no big changes can occur because our society, our systems would collapse.
The world is just too big. The damage is just too big... already too big.

If I am connected to all, then every second there is a part of me that dies and reborns.
If that is not a possibility what is it then?

True Nature

You can call me tree, cedar, willow....
It really doesn't matter to me,
I know who I am anyways

As I stand strong
with my roots expanding into Mother Earth
juices of love and health flow back to me
in balance and with strength
I am here occupying this space

Where I stand
my branches reaching the unknown of Father Sky
sighs of wisdom, caressing me
shouts of thunder, challenge me
No limits my branches have, against gravity I grow
towards infinity and the mysteries of life
I am here occupying this space
I am free

Words as my Voice

As the rain has a name,
As the rain has a voice,
I have them too.
As the rain has a reason to be,
I have one too.

As the ocean to be calm and wild
As the ocean to have and end for the sight
I have one too
As the ocean that has an inner world
I have one too.

As the seasons to be part of a cycle
I take part too.
As a whole, as a fragment
I’m one as I’m all.

As the sky that has two faces, that make one
As the sky that has an imaginary side
As the sky that says to much with no words spoken
I am too. I have them too.

As the sky with fallen meteors resting in a nest,
As the sky with a hanging dream,
As the sky holding a mystery, holding the unknown,
I live that too, with no beginning and no end.

As the breeze sings
As the wind tells
As the hurricane shouts
My words as my voice


`This poem was updated from one that I wrote in 2007`

Open your Eyes!

One day, my eyes opened,
realizing that my "doings"
prevent me from "being"
today's society is set for that conditioning to happen.

One day, my eyes opened,
realizing that most of the time, I chose blindness
I chose to give in to fear,
I chose to suppress my desires, to suppress my pain- to suppress, to control...

One day, my eyes opened
realizing we lost our sense of worth,
we fear that without our "needs and wants" we are nothing.
We forgot about our spirit.
We forget to ask more "Why's",
We forget that we are all interconnected in the web of life.
Our body, a symbiosis on itself,
we are part of the whole.
Our actions bring consequences.
Our hatred, spreads as our love does
Our consciousness spreads, as our ignorance does.
So why not next time chose to act with an open heart.

We stopped asking questions.
We lost hope.
We stopped listening to the wisdom of nature.
But there is still a chance.

One day, my eyes opened,
and I want to share my sight with you:
Our world as we once knew it, is ending.
We are destroying our resources,
We are destroying ourselves and every living creature,
We are destroying our home.
Its time to open our eyes,
Its time to open our hearts,
think not only of today but tomorrow as well.
Its time to believe in love and respect.
Its time to ask for forgiveness to our spirit, to our bodies, to our earth.
Its time to come back to ourselves as body, mind, and spirit.
Its time for you to open your eyes too!
Its time for you to share your sight with opened eyes as well!

Schizophrenic Me!, Bipolar, or Just Processed Food?

- "I feel like I am trapped in my body, doc.
I feel like I am trapped in my body, doc.
I feel like my essence is there but I am stuck in this box that I can’t escape!
I can’t recognize myself anymore.
Sometimes I feel I want to end it, so I jump down and let it be over, but when I do jump, I always end up right back where I stand.
This nightmare feels so real. I can no longer tell what’s real and what a dream is anymore!
I sometimes feel like the medication is too high right now, I see myself over and over again. Sometimes I am a bitch a prostitute, she calls herself “Additives”, so dirty. Doc, I sell myself for nothing, for pennies, and the worst part is that I put myself a big sign on me that say “For only $2.99”. You see doc., I advertise it openly.
I hate where I live right now the lights, the noise, and the crowdedness, so busy all the time.
So unhealthy! Maybe I should move, what do you think doc?
I remember those days when things felt right, I knew who I was, the air smelled fresh, my body felt right, I didn't have any issues, I was who I was and that was perfect. But now, everything it’s upside down. I don’t know what happened.
I know doc., you keep telling me this will pass, and it’s just stress caused by some kind of trauma that I experienced. Although I have to say its not all bad… I do have some good days that I can’t remember right now, but I should have some good days right?
Although during the bad days, it’s bad. Did I tell you that the other day I was hearing voices? I tried to meditate as you advice me, but voices kept distracting me, not outside voices, but inside of me. I don’t even recognize their voice. I just don’t know what to do.
I know doc. Take a few deep breaths, yes I am doing it. Ahhhh…, ahhhh, … oh yes I feel much better. Thanks doc.
What’s my name doc? Oh yes MacandCheese, what kind of a name is that anyways? French? Do you know doc.? Anyways I think I like it. Maybe Italian?
Doc, Can I tell you something? I know every time I bring this subject up you get worried, but it’s true! Every time one of my neighbors gets picked up, they never come back. I am really worried, there is something really wrong happening.
No doc, it’s not persecution fear; what I am telling you it’s the truth! They never come back! And I am scared someone it’s going to take me, and I am not going to know who I am, what if they leave me somewhere and I don’t remember where I live?
How to get back home? Ok thanks doc. That’s a good idea I keep the address inside my pocket. Oh… ok the time is up. Thanks doc. Yes I took the pill today. Yes I fell much better. Thanks doc! And see you next week".

Confidential of a GMO Seed

I will begin the story of my life with these simple words:
a runaway,
an outcast,
an exile
Condemned to my physical appearance. Condemned to hatred and disapproval.
Condemned to disgust.
Like any other I was tended day by day by James, my father. The farm we lived has a heritage house and it has been in the family for over 100 years.
James was now 75 years old, his children moved out to the city and had their lives there, and his wife passed away last winter. Without her James felt lost, lonely, and unhappy.
Although James was tired, his bones ached, his body cracked every time he bended and couldn’t move as fast as he used to, he always took care of the farm with love no matter what. No matter if it was pouring rain, hailing, snowing, muddy, freezing… no matter what… he was there attending the soil, the vegetables, and so on.
This place was his footprint on the world, his voice, his testimony that he was here alive. His heart was truly on the soil, and you could feel the love in the food and land.
But things were tougher and tighter now. It was harder to make a living and he still had to pay taxes, follow government regulations, certifications, and such. He couldn’t keep up.
Until I came into his life, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and softly placed me on the soil. I could feel the love, and at that time I thought they were tears of happiness.
The soil was black, sandy with a good amount of clay and silt. It felt nice to be here, it truly felt I belonged here. It was dark and silent, I could really connect with myself and sense of life force. Little creatures came to visit me from time to time. They would come and speak some words but then, soon enough, the little creatures would run away from me. This was when I first noticed, something had to be wrong with me. I wanted to see James so badly the only one that could see me and loved me. Where was he? I felt so alone. I never understood why nobody loved me as James did. Why could nobody see me as James did?
What was wrong with me?
Did I have an ugly face? I started thinking that maybe I spoke a different language. I sat there wondering, days became months…
As time went by… slowly I began to change, I started to germinate. Little leaves growing upwards against gravity towards the sun.
Oh! The sun felt so nice on my face. The warmth filled me up with joy and love. I started growing stronger and stronger. I felt invincible! Like nothing could kill me.
I was everything I ever wanted. Maybe the little creatures down below were scared of my power! Besides this was so much better than down there, nobody wanted to be with them anyways.
I could make new friends.
James came back! He would come and say hello every day. He looked really tired.
Bees came along as well, butterflies, birds, flies, bumblebees, cats rubbing their faces upon me, deer, rabbits, and foxes. I had so many visitors! But strangely they never came back.
Things were great but again, I came to think something was deeply wrong.
Nobody else came to visit, except James, although coming to think about it James came less and less as well. Everyone lost interest in me, everyone ran away from me. I knew it! Something was wrong with me, it had to. There was no other explanation.

I knew I had to do something about it. I had to tell the world who I am and what I am, is not my fault. Someone rapped me of my own nature, mutated my essence.
Someone corrupted me in the most violent and sickest way you can imagine. Someone did this to me and I don’t know why. Why me? I don’t want to be this way anymore.
This is when I understood James heart was broken the day he saw me for the first time, and those tears weren’t tears of happiness but of deep sadness.
Although his heart was broken, he still took care of me, still showed me love and compassion but I knew I was breaking his heart. I knew that I also broke all those bees, butterflies houses.
I want to die and I can’t even do that. The seasons went by and keep changing and I keep coming back. Why would I want a life of loneliness, of exile, of disgust, of rejection, of disgust?
Please label me! Hunt me down! Cause I don’t want to cause any more harm. I don’t want to cause anymore pain and sadness. I don’t want to cause any more suffering. I don't want to harm this earth anymore!

My Masculine Nature for Survival.

Words- like a striking thunder
Action. Strong movement, with confidence
-like the most feared warrior in a little girls body.
Like any warrior with a mission of freedom and revenge.
Skin- with scars, hard, non-permeable. A skin that soon developed thorns.
Character- fierce as a lion.

Time. Love. Re-Connection.
Flesh to Bone.
Heart to Spirit.
Fear to Love.
Survival to Emotion.

Darkness was no longer an inspiration but frightening.
Thorns fall like leaves in Autumn.
skin became soft.
flesh became raw and open.
Roars became cries and hopeful laughters.
what once was rigid became malleable.
Feminine Energy emerging, resurfacing like a rising moon.
awkward.
Feelings of weakness and confusion.
A core yearn to nurture, nourish, heal and create the woman and the little girl.

Abundance. Gratitude. Love.
inhabiting for the first time flesh, bone, and spirit.
Re-learning to find balance between feminine and masculine.
light and dark.
receive and give.
open and closed.

Hope For You and Me

We are connected.
a seed becomes a tree and comes into this world knowing what is meant to do in this life.
And it is.
Us, Humans, we spend our entire life trying to figure out-
our purpose, seeking for the road to happiness, working for financial freedom, fame, acceptance-
to ourselves and others, spirituality, peace......
We are so busy and so worried about this,
We miss the fact we are Connected to all Life.
To other People.
To our Environment.
Not seeing that we contribute.
We are Part, We Give and Receive Life every Second.

... keep it coming, keep it flowing... the energy is eternal when it comes from your heart!

Ego

I can't stop thinking about you.
You laugh at me.
You make my life so hard.
I dislike you- What I dislike of others, remind me of same things in myself. Oh, I dislike you so much!
A slap on the face one more time- and I can see my reflection in the mirror laughing at me, pointing fingers at me.
Feels like torture!- mortified I am. I can't sleep, I am anxious.
So many parts of myself and sense of self.... So hard to let them go.
... cause on what else do you hold on to?