Schizophrenic Me!, Bipolar, or Just Processed Food?

- "I feel like I am trapped in my body, doc.
I feel like I am trapped in my body, doc.
I feel like my essence is there but I am stuck in this box that I can’t escape!
I can’t recognize myself anymore.
Sometimes I feel I want to end it, so I jump down and let it be over, but when I do jump, I always end up right back where I stand.
This nightmare feels so real. I can no longer tell what’s real and what a dream is anymore!
I sometimes feel like the medication is too high right now, I see myself over and over again. Sometimes I am a bitch a prostitute, she calls herself “Additives”, so dirty. Doc, I sell myself for nothing, for pennies, and the worst part is that I put myself a big sign on me that say “For only $2.99”. You see doc., I advertise it openly.
I hate where I live right now the lights, the noise, and the crowdedness, so busy all the time.
So unhealthy! Maybe I should move, what do you think doc?
I remember those days when things felt right, I knew who I was, the air smelled fresh, my body felt right, I didn't have any issues, I was who I was and that was perfect. But now, everything it’s upside down. I don’t know what happened.
I know doc., you keep telling me this will pass, and it’s just stress caused by some kind of trauma that I experienced. Although I have to say its not all bad… I do have some good days that I can’t remember right now, but I should have some good days right?
Although during the bad days, it’s bad. Did I tell you that the other day I was hearing voices? I tried to meditate as you advice me, but voices kept distracting me, not outside voices, but inside of me. I don’t even recognize their voice. I just don’t know what to do.
I know doc. Take a few deep breaths, yes I am doing it. Ahhhh…, ahhhh, … oh yes I feel much better. Thanks doc.
What’s my name doc? Oh yes MacandCheese, what kind of a name is that anyways? French? Do you know doc.? Anyways I think I like it. Maybe Italian?
Doc, Can I tell you something? I know every time I bring this subject up you get worried, but it’s true! Every time one of my neighbors gets picked up, they never come back. I am really worried, there is something really wrong happening.
No doc, it’s not persecution fear; what I am telling you it’s the truth! They never come back! And I am scared someone it’s going to take me, and I am not going to know who I am, what if they leave me somewhere and I don’t remember where I live?
How to get back home? Ok thanks doc. That’s a good idea I keep the address inside my pocket. Oh… ok the time is up. Thanks doc. Yes I took the pill today. Yes I fell much better. Thanks doc! And see you next week".

Confidential of a GMO Seed

I will begin the story of my life with these simple words:
a runaway,
an outcast,
an exile
Condemned to my physical appearance. Condemned to hatred and disapproval.
Condemned to disgust.
Like any other I was tended day by day by James, my father. The farm we lived has a heritage house and it has been in the family for over 100 years.
James was now 75 years old, his children moved out to the city and had their lives there, and his wife passed away last winter. Without her James felt lost, lonely, and unhappy.
Although James was tired, his bones ached, his body cracked every time he bended and couldn’t move as fast as he used to, he always took care of the farm with love no matter what. No matter if it was pouring rain, hailing, snowing, muddy, freezing… no matter what… he was there attending the soil, the vegetables, and so on.
This place was his footprint on the world, his voice, his testimony that he was here alive. His heart was truly on the soil, and you could feel the love in the food and land.
But things were tougher and tighter now. It was harder to make a living and he still had to pay taxes, follow government regulations, certifications, and such. He couldn’t keep up.
Until I came into his life, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and softly placed me on the soil. I could feel the love, and at that time I thought they were tears of happiness.
The soil was black, sandy with a good amount of clay and silt. It felt nice to be here, it truly felt I belonged here. It was dark and silent, I could really connect with myself and sense of life force. Little creatures came to visit me from time to time. They would come and speak some words but then, soon enough, the little creatures would run away from me. This was when I first noticed, something had to be wrong with me. I wanted to see James so badly the only one that could see me and loved me. Where was he? I felt so alone. I never understood why nobody loved me as James did. Why could nobody see me as James did?
What was wrong with me?
Did I have an ugly face? I started thinking that maybe I spoke a different language. I sat there wondering, days became months…
As time went by… slowly I began to change, I started to germinate. Little leaves growing upwards against gravity towards the sun.
Oh! The sun felt so nice on my face. The warmth filled me up with joy and love. I started growing stronger and stronger. I felt invincible! Like nothing could kill me.
I was everything I ever wanted. Maybe the little creatures down below were scared of my power! Besides this was so much better than down there, nobody wanted to be with them anyways.
I could make new friends.
James came back! He would come and say hello every day. He looked really tired.
Bees came along as well, butterflies, birds, flies, bumblebees, cats rubbing their faces upon me, deer, rabbits, and foxes. I had so many visitors! But strangely they never came back.
Things were great but again, I came to think something was deeply wrong.
Nobody else came to visit, except James, although coming to think about it James came less and less as well. Everyone lost interest in me, everyone ran away from me. I knew it! Something was wrong with me, it had to. There was no other explanation.

I knew I had to do something about it. I had to tell the world who I am and what I am, is not my fault. Someone rapped me of my own nature, mutated my essence.
Someone corrupted me in the most violent and sickest way you can imagine. Someone did this to me and I don’t know why. Why me? I don’t want to be this way anymore.
This is when I understood James heart was broken the day he saw me for the first time, and those tears weren’t tears of happiness but of deep sadness.
Although his heart was broken, he still took care of me, still showed me love and compassion but I knew I was breaking his heart. I knew that I also broke all those bees, butterflies houses.
I want to die and I can’t even do that. The seasons went by and keep changing and I keep coming back. Why would I want a life of loneliness, of exile, of disgust, of rejection, of disgust?
Please label me! Hunt me down! Cause I don’t want to cause any more harm. I don’t want to cause anymore pain and sadness. I don’t want to cause any more suffering. I don't want to harm this earth anymore!

A Little Story...

Once upon a time all the creatures of earth were united in balance to the rhythms of nature. In human kind communities, everyone respected each other. The elders would pass their knowledge of medicine, farming, astrology, and so on to the young generation. They believed that everything on earth had a spirit within and they didn't only worshiped the great mother but also understood her. Animals and plants had their place on earth too of respect and knowledge. They were the spiritual teachers for human kind. But when humans evolved along with science and technology, becoming blinder and greedier, soon that connection that for so many years kept us in balance with nature disappeared. Animals and plants were still trying to connect with us but we were too far gone. Nowadays there are some that want to make amends with the Great Mother by still using science and technology. But we don't understand that balance can only come through connection. Connection to ourselves and the rhythms of nature. We can no longer act from the mind but start acting from the heart. Begin to truly feel again. This is the world we live in today. And no matter what, mother earth is still providing for our survival. She is still fighting for us. She still believes in us. So its time we start believing in ourselves!

The Spirit of the Red CedarTree- Circle of Stones Story

i lived a thousand years that's what the rings on my body say
roads filled with stories of an ancient time, a quiet time
scars from hard winters and strong storms
leaves that left me nourishing me and my surroundings
blooming flowers, brought new friends and good companions
warming and gracious moments, when i served as refugee to others
hugs and smiling moments, when i danced with other at the rhythm of the wind

i lived a thousand years that's what the rings on my body say
i lived a thousand years, until they cut me down
until i fall down hard to the ground in a big roar
the earth tremble as my body was breaking- shattered
until my body was detaching from my roots, my nourishing life

a thousand years i lived and more
today there is still a whole in those woods
there is still a part of me living there
a scar on the soil where i stood
silent wind blows on my grounds
i am the spirit of a red cedar tree
that lived a thousand years

My Future?- Circle Of Stones Story

hahaha! she always laughed in her younger age
but now she cant stop doing it
her laugh- loud and clear and everyone hears
her white long silver hair like a whole moon lighted night
a waterfall of light pouring into the ocean

her eyes tell a thousand stories- you can tell she cried a lot
of pain and laughter
oh! her hands- her poor hands
she use to look at them and say: " oh my hands my poor hands!
what would i do without my hands...
yes i know i have to take care of them"

she laughs and she laughs like an old tree she moves
nothing seems the same, she says
if i knew before ... i had my doubts that it might be this way but still thought i had more
but time never waits
hahahaha! she laughs so loud
if i knew but i guess i know now
at least i know now.