His name was Balance

... I heard everyone is looking for him
at different times, in different levels, for different reasons... I know once even you where looking for him~ some how~ some day you found yourself calling for him. Calling his name. I know.. cause I've been there myself.

Oh Balance! I miss you sometimes more than others. Oh Balance... and slowly, silently you let a sight escape into the air...and that was it

I once thought I found him "forever happily ever after" but I was wrong.....
away he went
in one breath .... away... like if he'd never existed

and it takes time,
it takes silence,
it takes pain,
it takes insanity,
it takes peace, and
it takes courage

it takes
and it takes....
sometimes it feels that all he does is take and take....away

and I keep asking... When its going to be the day he'll stay for good?
cause right now I feel like I am standing naked with all my leaves on the ground
and I am there .... in front of everybody... standing still... embarrassed
sometimes I feel like I'm blind and I don't know if what I see its the light of the moon guiding me, or simply it's the light of a car about to run over me

Oh Balance I miss you so much! and you feel like a dream I'll never reach.
it feels like you are that essential nutrient I need to live in tuned with existence- but I am not Eve and you are not hanging from a tree ready to be picked.

I once asked for strength to face my challenges and give myself a chance for growth and wisdom.I once asked for a chance... I don't pray but I would -if you told me that it would help. I shouted to the five winds more than once asking for you, asking for a sign!
... but you you never said anything

So now after all that time,of searching---- and searching
Here I am. Walking on my path, my journey ~ went through the scariest neighborhoods I've ever seen. In the worst time and season possible. But here I go... for my existence! for myself! Because I am more than my body, I am more than this mind~ Here I go in search of my true name/true self. In search of my place!

Cause Balance its the equilibrium within yourself no matter season, situation, or challenge that moves upon you. It's your constant blooming state, its knowing yourself and believing you're perfect.

So after all that I realized I should be named Balance not "him"!